Kissy kissy

This week, on one of those lifestyle-type websites I read occasionally, there was an article about inappropriate kissing.  The writer noted that she is a kisser from way back, and has even gone to the extreme of kissing someone she didn’t know, just because this person was standing in a group with the writer’s friends and she’d already kissed everyone else and didn’t want the stranger to feel left out.

Me, I am not a fan of the kissy kissy greeting, or the farewell for that matter.  For reasons I am completely unaware of, my mother has turned into one of those people who does the kissy kissy hello – with me and my sister – and I don’t get it.  To make matters worse, she does the big fake MWAH sound as well.  My father does it too, although his version is more of a smash-his-cheek-into-my-cheek rather than an actual kiss.  And without the MWAH.  But I hate that too.  It should be up to me who I get to kiss.  Frankly, I don’t want to be that close to the uncle I suspect is an alcoholic, nor do I want to kiss anyone else I am related to.

I am not a fan of kissing my friends either – I do it with a couple of them because that’s what they do and I don’t object strenuously to that – I would just as easily hug them so a kiss on the cheek won’t hurt me.  But given the choice, I wouldn’t kiss them.  I never kissed any of my friends when I was in school, so why start now?  I don’t get the high school girls who do this every day when they are getting off the tram.

Realistically, the only person I want that close to my face is the boy.  Or the person giving me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My mother thinks I am selfish and stand-offish for having this point of view.  This from the woman who has never actually said the words “I love you” to me.  I don’t need that from her and frankly after all this time, it would be a bit weird if she started saying it now.

But I really really don’t want to be forced to kiss anyone.  What about you?


8 responses to “Kissy kissy

  1. Barb @iPhoneographi June 3, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    I don’t do the kissy kissy thing, but I do hug! I always tell my parents and sisters I love them. They are THE most important people in the world to me.

  2. Cat's Cats June 4, 2011 at 12:24 am

    I’m not in the habit of kissing strangers, but I kiss and hug my mum and dad every time I see them and my amazing sister gets three cheek smooches (since I saw Volver). In that movie Penelope Cruz did three cheek kisses (on one side, not back and forth) and it just struck me as so open and genuinely loving I thought “I’m going to do that too!” 🙂

  3. KZK June 4, 2011 at 12:47 am

    Yeah. Not a fan of kissing anyone other than the hubby. Hugging – yes. Kissing… no.

  4. Denise June 4, 2011 at 4:19 am

    Mmmhhh… it’s a bit complaicated for me. I’ll explain, of course. I come from South America and there you DO KISS everybody on the cheek – and in my city, three times (one cheek twice, the other once). It’s a bit low class, but alas, what is low class… it turned to be a habit I don’t know when, among youngsters. More traditional people (read older), would only kiss twice – fake, just cheek to cheek and the “Mwah” sound to the air. Some people make fun of this, but what can you do? Two persons can’t touch their cheeks with their mouths at the same time.
    Well, this is a habit, A MUST there. If you don’t do this there, you are an arrogant alien. (A foreigner would be excused, but they would try to kiss him/her.)
    Second part of the story: I came to Europe many many years ago – more than a decade. And here people don’t kiss. They just skake hands and occasionally, if you are a friend, they hug. Women – just if you are a veeery good friend, would kiss, yes.
    I got used to it and honestly, I started to like it. Now the “but”.
    When going back to visit my family, I met some friends too, of course, and some friends of friends. It’s MANDATORY there that you kiss everybody, friend, strangers, it doesn’t matter. Well, I was alread too used to the German way, and sometimes I avoided kissing. I’m not going to say kissing is right or wrong, because there’s no right or wrong in this situation. It’s part of the culture there. But I wasn’t used to it anymore. So that now… I don’t mind kissing strangers, but I started to like the way it is here better. I’m now a mix of the two places. I go with the flow. If I didnt’t kiss people in my hometown, I would be a very arrogant person, who thought that coming to Europe made me better than them there. And of course it’s not this, but they wouldn’t understand my explanation. Also, cause I was used to it there too, it doesn’t harm me.
    My parents, when they were alive (of course), I kissed always. I felt strange to kiss my mother, cause she was a very strong personality… I wouldn’t wish anything else now, but to be able to kiss them. My brothers I kiss everytime I see them, and I tell them I love them very much. After all, we only have each other now.
    Ooof! Long comment, but just to tell you how it is in another place…!

  5. jen June 4, 2011 at 6:19 am

    i don’t kiss anyone except jon and daniel. hugging is different — i do hug people.

  6. Kate June 6, 2011 at 3:24 am

    This is such an interesting topic! I have been thinking a lot about this with kids. I tell Finn I love him and kiss him no less than a million times a day (on the lips) and so does Josh. However, I feel like there will come a time when it’s best to change that to a cheek kiss. I kiss my mom in the cheek…well actually she kisses me on the cheek and I allowed it (from my high school days, when I just barely tolerated her). I kiss my grandma on the cheek and sometimes my sister, otherwise I’m a hugging kind of person.

    You totally crack me up though…
    For reasons I am completely unaware of, my mother has turned into one of those people who does the kissy kissy hello – with me and my sister – and I don’t get it.
    Frankly, I don’t want to be that close to the uncle I suspect is an alcoholic, nor do I want to kiss anyone else I am related to.

    If I ever meet you, I’m going to go in for a kiss…and if I’m that lucky…I think I’ll try to sneak in some tongue. 😉

    What you say about your mom breaks my heart. I don’t understand how you turned out amazing without an amazing mother. I guess you are just one of those people that can do it on their own. Is this why you don’t have kids? It speaks volumes about who you are that you were able to thrive even from adversity. I heard about a family where the mom didn’t say “I love you” and I thought-no big deal, she did love her kids, she just never said it. But it is a big deal, a huge deal. I think kids can’t feel it unless it’s spoken and knowing for certain you are loved is the most essential piece that every child needs!

  7. Trish June 7, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    I got SO embarassed when I went to give my friend’s husband a kiss on the cheek (he was leaning in for one) but then I went to hug him also and he was already pulling away, obviously not wanting a hug too, so my hug was like a quick half-grab and it was just… wierd. My husband and my friend have known each other for years so they always kiss + hug hello, but her husband is not an ‘old friend’ so I guess I’m not on his list of people to hug. Which, when I think about it, he’s not really on mine. Anyway, the rules for kissing and hugging are different for different people and I sometimes forget what is appropriate and end up kissing a non-kisser or not hugging a hugger. Can’t win. I think your approach (ie to NOT approach!) is the safest way to go.
    Also, my mum recently started the kissing thing too which was wierd after years of very little physical affection. Still can’t get used to it and it feels a bit odd. Hi mum, if you read this.

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